The Value of Team Parenting

Effective Parenting and Raising Children

Imagine for a small moment and take yourself back to when you and your partner first became parents. Wow! the arrival of your baby was filled with happiness and joy not forgetting the excitement and almost disbelief of being a mother.

Whether for the first time or not, this joy is difficult to describe and so beautiful to feel. At this time we work as one with our partner as parents looking forward to raising baby in this wonderful newly created environment called bliss.

Practical and effective parenting and raising children in the early childhood years begins with a lot of support both for the child and for the mother. We do not need to sit down and read a whole lot on child psychology or parenting tips as it all seems so natural and in relative terms is usually simple and instinctive.

A child initially needs one thing and that is to feel loved, safe and secure. The unconditional love the mother provides is just perfect for the child. The child feels and understands, I am because I am.

The mother is fuelled with energy as being a mother provides new meaning and self- worth to an individual, you know that you are creating and that you are part of something special. Your life may already have meaning however this is taken to a whole new level.

The continuing support from the father is appreciated and the teamwork seems to be relatively easy. The child feels valued, the mother feels valued and likewise the father feels valued.

So then if this works so well, what happens when the child passes the age of twelve and is approaching its teenage years? You feel and believe, that since everything is working so well and you have perfected your routine, why would it change?

When not a lot of effort was required, all of a sudden we have the beginnings of chaos and turmoil. We begin to question ourselves as effective parents when raising our children. The blissful environment we enjoyed for years is no more, as it fades further and further into the distance. The child continues to be supported and loved by mum however at various points the appreciation is decreasing and decreasing fast. This leaves mum feeling anything but great.

Why? Has the child changed? Has the mother changed? Has the father changed? As we search for answers our natural responses bring even more chaos and turmoil and we continue to struggle as arguments rise and the bliss has long gone.

As all three behaviours change quickly, this is all driven by the change in the child. The child begins to transition to wanting more. What is this something more and is it important?

The child wants to grow and learn how to become an individual, to build skills and knowledge, to experience, to make sense of who they are and what they have to contribute to their world. This sounds very important, would you agree?

No longer is this simple existence of being fully supported enough for them. At this time they are up for a challenge and many of them.

The child having received the unconditional love from mum for all these years looks for challenges where they can try things, make mistakes and learn from them. In this quest they have small wins of achievement which leaves them feeling and begging for more. The challenges get bigger and so does the independence. So where do these challenges come from?

Before entering the real world with huge challenges these begin to come from the father. The father has an inherent role to play which is distinctly different to that of the mother. The father provides a conditional type of love and challenges the child and eventually allows the child to see the pathway to the rest of their life. The child grows more confidence and more self-esteem leading to more and more independence. The father shows the child, I am because of who I am. It soon formulates the idea, if I achieve I will be rewarded.

So as a young adult looking to get out in the real world and make a difference, what do you need? You need just two main ingredients and if either of these is missing, success as an adult is difficult to achieve. In this position life will always be in the way rather than on the way.

The young adult needs to know and have the feeling that I am just because I am and also I am because of who I am.

The supporting elements of the mother and the challenging elements of a father provide all that is required; both unconditional love and conditional love. This sets up young adults for real success and strength of character. Not only do they know the value of loving unconditionally , they also know the value of conditional love.

The value of team parenting is more important than anything. Every mother needs to be aware that the challenges from the father are ok if your children have your shoulder to lean on. Likewise always remember that your support was ever so valuable however eventually this will be pushed back to a certain extent as your child grows older and this is more than OK.

If you are looking for a great parenting plan and parental guidance beyond the early childhood development years – avoid the chaos and potential arguments – this is your great beginning! You have everything it takes to be a great mother and I wish you every success in raising your children as an effective parent.

Now sit back and imagine your successful children, isn’t that what every mother wants? – You want to be the most effective parent and do the best possible job in raising your children.

Now keep imagining, your children have enjoyed both the benefits of all your support and all their fathers challenges. They have not grown up in a careful environment, nor a careless one but one of caring, a combination of both. This is the only real loving environment for your children, as this will make them more successful than ever.

Now consider again the value of team parenting and allow your blissful environment to return and hang around for many more years to come.

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